Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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