I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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