Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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