She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
