He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
