He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
