i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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