hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
