I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
