Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
