His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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