my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
