I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
