At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
