Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
