The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Randomize
