i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
