He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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