i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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