I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
there's paper in my vomit.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
