You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
