It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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