So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
