marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I stole a fireplace last night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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