My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He? As in you personified your dick?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
