I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
