God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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