Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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