a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
