We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize