Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
