i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
