I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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