Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
