i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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