She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sext me about skeletons
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
