i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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