shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
