my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
