May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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