You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize