And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
