please come you make the beer taste better
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
