Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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