so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
