He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
