is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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