this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize