a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
