Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
