the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
