Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
