Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
