its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
