You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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