What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
