Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
