I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
