woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
