i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
