the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
