ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
