No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
