Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
