I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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