that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
