I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
