Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
