and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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