Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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