Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
