Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
