I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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