i will never coherently bang her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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