today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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