I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
