Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
