Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize