It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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