either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
